A Night of Olympic Proportions
by WinterSky101
Summary: All of the Avengers plus Loki watch the Opening Ceremony for the London 2012 Olympics together. Things go a little awry; to name a few, there's a drinking contest between Steve and Tony, some magic from Loki, and a very drunk Thor. And JARVIS records it all. Bruce/Tony, Steve/Thor, Clint/Natasha.


**This was co-written between my friend (username Huntress Under Siege) and myself as we watched the Opening Ceremony for the Olympics. I get that this is a little late, but I'm doing Camp NaNoWriMo with another Avengers fic and I had to get that to a good point before I could edit this.**

**I'm pretty sure there's nothing in here that merits this being rated M, but it does involve some sexual references. Nothing that bad, though, and I assume that most people who saw the Avengers movie and are reading this are old enough to handle the comments in this.**

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own the Avengers. Nor do I own the Olympic games, or pretty much anything else mentioned in this. I do, however, in case you were wondering, own eleven Avengers chibi figures. And they are adorable.**

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"Hey, did you hear that?" Clint asked, pointing at the television. It was playing the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, which all of the Avengers plus a silent Loki in the corner were watching. "The announcer guy just said that the Koreans are really good at archery! I wonder if I'm secretly Korean." It was obvious from his tone that he was merely joking, but Steve gave him a calculating look, as if he was actually contemplating the thought. Natasha slapped Clint upside the head. "Hey!"

"If you don't want me to hit you, then don't be an idiot," Natasha replied in a not-at-all remorseful tone. Clint gave her a glare, but didn't press his point. Thor beamed at the television.

"I am flattered that Midgard has a…what do you call these? Olimic games?"

"Olympic games," Steve corrected kindly. Thor nodded.

"Yes, Olympic games. I am flattered that Midgard has an Olympic game in my honor. I believe I shall swear my allegiance to whatever country wins the hammer throw."

"Whatever you say, Thor," Tony replied, taking a sip from his glass of whiskey.

"I could try the discus," Steve suggested shyly. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Um, no, you couldn't. No one who's on steroids is allowed into the Olympics, and your super-soldier serum is basically superhero steroids," he replied cuttingly. Steve's face fell and Bruce, who was sitting on the floor with his head against Tony's leg, elbowed his boyfriend hard in the crook of his knee. Tony yelped, a sound that was far higher than he anything he would ever admit to.

"Nat should be in the gymnastics," Clint suggested. Everyone agreed while Natasha rolled her eyes. "We could see you in a skin-tight suit that _isn't_ armed and dangerous," Clint quipped.

"Oh, I would figure out a way to get a weapon into that," Natasha deadpanned. "You never know when you might need a knife." As if to illustrate her point, she yanked up her jeans slightly to reveal a small, sheathed knife strapped against her leg. Tony looked amazed.

"How did you get that past JARVIS?" he demanded. Natasha only smiled mysteriously.

"A good magician never reveals her secrets," she replied in tone that was far more innocent than she was. Tony gave her an appreciative look, then tapped Bruce on the top of the head.

"What would you do, Bruce?" he asked. Bruce blushed.

"Um, is there a geek-off?" he asked rhetorically. "I would do that, and probably win hands down, but anything else would probably make the Other Guy come out to play."

"GRECCO-ROMAN WRESTLING IT IS!" Tony yelled. Steve smacked the back of his head. "Ow!" Tony whined. "Why does everyone pick on me?" Other than a few chuckles, no one responded to that.

"Brother!" Thor stated, turning to the sulking trickster god in the corner. "What event would you wish to partake in?" Loki didn't open his mouth to speak and instead vaulted over the couch with inhuman ease, flipped off Thor, and returned to his corner. Most of the Avengers were suitably impressed by the display, but Tony never knew when to stop.

"You'd get your horns stuck on the rail and hang there like a demonic Christmas ornament," he quipped. Loki's eyes narrowed and Tony found his stomach churning with a very bad feeling. There was a flash of light and a puff of green smoke, and suddenly a small green toad was in Tony's place instead of him. Everyone had to laugh, but when it was obvious that Loki didn't plan on reversing the spell, Bruce gave him one of his signature kicked puppy looks.

"Loki," he pleaded in a wheedling voice. "Turn Tony back. I wouldn't want to have to beat you back into the floor again, would I?" Though he obviously wasn't happy about it, Loki flicked his wrist and Tony turned back into a human. Loki pressed himself farther into his corner and created as much distance as he could between himself and the Avengers while still being sure that he would be able to see the television set.

"I wonder if I could do the marathon," Steve mused. Tony turned to him and Bruce got a bad feeling about what would come out of his mouth. He fleetingly wished he had waited a moment before having him turned back.

"No," Tony replied point-blank. "You are alive because of steroids. You can't do anything fun." The room suddenly got very quiet as Steve started to tear up and Bruce flicked Tony's inner thigh with as much force as he could muster without resorting to the Hulk. Thor put an arm around Steve's shoulders and shot Tony a more poisonous look than anyone thought he was capable of. Despite all of this, Tony didn't apologize.

Without warning, Natasha stood, strode over to Tony, and pressed down hard on a spot on the back of his neck. Instantly, Tony's head lolled and he was obviously unconscious. "Sorry, Bruce," Natasha stated shortly.

"I don't blame you for it," Bruce replied, checking Tony's pulse, just to be sure. Natasha turned back to her seat to see that Clint had stolen it. He gave her a teasing look and she sighed deeply before, to everyone's surprise, sitting down on his lap.

"Why is it," Loki demanded suddenly, making everyone jump slightly, "that Romanoff can knock Stark out when he says something cruel to Rogers, but I am not allowed to turn him into a toad when he insults me?" Everyone looked at each other awkwardly.

"Well, brother, turning the Man of Iron into an amphibious pest would be most tiring for everyone to deal with," Thor explained promptly while still trying to comfort Steve. "The ribbiting, and the hopping, and the constant need for water would be most vexing."

"I would suggest that you all cease with your conversations," a British voice from no where stated. Steve jumped, as he always did when JARVIS spoke, and Thor looked around the room, searching for the source of the noise. "You might not have noticed, but you are missing the ceremony." Everyone immediately stopped talking and the sound of the television became the only noise in the room.

As subtly as he could, Clint slid his hand to try and cop a feel on Natasha, who was still sitting on him. Almost before he knew what was happening, Natasha grabbed his hand. "If you try that again," she hissed in a threatening voice, "I will snap your wrist."

"Duly noticed," Clint replied in a slightly shaken voice. Meanwhile, Loki stood and, almost shyly (though he would never admit it), went over to sit closer to the others, situating himself near Bruce and the still-unconscious Tony. Bruce gave him an encouraging smile and Loki slid a little closer.

If JARVIS had a human form, he most definitely would have sighed with happiness at that point. As it was, though he was just an A.I., he had been programmed with enough emotions to feel happy about the odds-and-ends family that had accumulated in Stark Tower. Before, it had just been Tony and his inventions, and then he had begrudgingly become part of the team, which had filled all the open spots in Tony's heart. Though he wasn't a human, JARVIS was the closest thing to a stable family that Tony had ever had, and he was happy that his creator had finally found a spot in the world where he could be happy.

The moment was shattered by a loud snort from Tony as he woke himself up. He looked ready to comment, though at what wasn't clear, but he kept his mouth shut as Bruce gave him a slight glare. At the noise, Loki jumped and began to half-crawl away. Bruce smiled at him.

"You can stay if you'll be nice," he stated kindly. Loki looked around the room for a moment, then resituated himself against the couch. Thor opened his mouth to comment, but Steve put a hand on his knee and shook his head a tiny bit to stop him.

Natasha was staring at Great Britain's entrance with an entrancement that was rarely on her face if not with regards to some sort of weaponry. Clint took this opportunity to try and cop a feel again when she wasn't paying attention. Somehow, he had forgotten that Natasha, like him, was a super-spy that was always aware of her surroundings, no matter how distracted she might seem. This time, rather than grabbing Clint's arm, Natasha shifted slightly to purposefully put as much weight as she could on his growing boner. Clint squeaked like a prepubescent girl, which got him many strange looks, and he stopped trying to touch Natasha. There was silence again as Great Britain finished their dramatic entrance. When seven people finally came out with the Olympic flag and the Queen declared that the games had officially begun, everyone, even Loki, cheered. Dummy brought in a platter with champagne and seven glasses.

"I shall open the bottle, Man of Iron!" Thor boomed. Tony looked to the fragile-looking champagne bottle and shook his head.

"No offense, Thor, but I think you might use a bit more strength than necessary in opening this. Let me." Thor looked slightly crestfallen, but didn't argue again. Tony popped the cork out from the bottle with an ease born of lots of practice and began to pour the bubbling liquid into the thin glasses.

"I think I'll call it quits here," Bruce stated, standing. "The Other Guy tends to try and make this a party when alcohol is involved. Plus…" Here, Bruce's voice trailed off, but every knew he was referring to his past. Tony quickly stole a kiss from his boyfriend as he was about to leave.

"Goodnight. I'll come in when this is done, alright?" he stated in a soft voice, ignoring the loud "aww…" from, surprisingly, both Natasha and Steve. Bruce smiled, the expression taking years from his face, then left the room. Tony returned and put the filled glasses on Dummy's tray. The robot promptly went around to everyone and offered them the tray. Natasha took a small sip from her glass, still watching the television. Clint downed his in one, then put the glass down on the table next to him. Thor also downed his in one sip and gave the glass an odd look.

"This Midgardian alcohol is very mild. Do you have any mead, Friend Stark?"

Tony opened his mouth to answer with an affirmative, because he actually _did_ have a cask of mead downstairs, but Loki cut him off with a slight laugh.

"I wouldn't give Thor anything too strong. Trust me, you don't want to see him drunk." Thor glared at his brother, but his words had done the trick; Tony turned to Thor and told him that he didn't think he had any mead, but perhaps he could get some later.

"Hey, Tony," Steve stated, taking a sip from his champagne flute. "Want to have a drinking contest?" Everyone but Natasha and Clint looked at him in shock, as it seemed such an un-Steve-like thing to do. The two S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were trying not to laugh, both remembering that a side effect of the serum injected into Steve made it impossible for him to get drunk.

"Are you kidding?" Tony replied, grabbing the bottle off the tray. "I'll drink you under the table, old man." Steve only smiled in response and took another almost delicate sip of his champagne. Tony went over to a cabinet and pulled out a bunch of glasses and more bottles of champagne, smiling mischievously, and the two men relocated themselves to a table in the back of the room.

Loki accepted a glass of champagne from Dummy without looking away from the television. He manipulated his legs into the very uncomfortable-looking lotus position, but he looked unperturbed by it. He stared at the television as the cauldron was lit. A type of almost maniacal glee lit up his eyes as he watched the flames dance. While Tony was distracted with drinking with Steve, Thor went on a search for the mead that he knew was there. When he returned ten minutes later, Tony was very drunk and very determined to keep drinking, whereas Steve looked as unruffled as ever, though he had almost twice as many empty glasses around him as Tony. Not even a full minute later, Tony was passed out on the floor. Steve stood and, walking in a perfectly normal manner, returned to his spot next to Thor on the couch.

"I'll take Stark back to his room, shall I?" Loki offered. Everyone looked at him, almost surprised at the suggestion. Loki picked up Tony, disappeared, and then reappeared a few seconds later with empty arms. "Dr. Banner told me he would tend to him." The room was silent as the ceremony drew towards its conclusion, Thor steadily drinking the mead. The ceremony was almost over when he finally crossed the threshold into inebriation.

Loki noticed this instantly and stood hurriedly. "I'm tired. I'll go to bed," he stated in a voice so fast it was barely understandable before he sprinted out of the room. Natasha didn't seem to notice that anything was different as she watched Paul McCartney sing Hey Jude with a pleased, almost calm expression on her face. It was the closest she ever seemed to get to contentment. Clint smiled, knowing she was a huge fan of the Beatles.

Thor flopped on the couch and began to talk to Steve loudly. Natasha gave him a glare. "JARVIS, increase the volume of the television by three hundred percent," she snapped irritably.

"It might be easier for me to simply put it on the DVR and thus you can finish watching tomorrow," JARVIS replied. Natasha nodded.

"Thank you, JARVIS," she replied, standing and grabbing Clint's arm. The two left for their bedroom, leaving an uncomfortable ninety year old virgin alone with his completely drunk Norse god lover.

"Steve, I should quite like to kiss you," Thor boomed. Steve looked increasingly uncomfortable, but he did nothing to stop his boyfriend as he leaned over, lips pursed and ready to kiss. However, before he found his destination, his eyes went unfocused and he passed out, head falling directly on Steve's lap, facing the man. Steve looked down at Thor, feeling incredibly awkward. That wasn't helped by the fact that a still drunk Tony stumbled past the door on his way to the bathroom. He looked in and nodded.

"Drunk blowjob from the Norse god of thunder must be awesome," he slurred before stumbling off to, from the sound of it, throw up in the bathroom.

"No, Tony, it's not…" Steve tried to call after him, but it was obvious that Tony couldn't hear him. The captain looked down at Thor with a sigh and tried to move him off his lap, but every time he succeeded in pushing him a tiny bit away, Thor would wrap his arms around Steve's waist and pull himself in closer. Resigning himself to having to stay on the couch until Thor woke up, Steve sighed and rested his head on the back of the couch, falling asleep almost instantly.

If JARVIS were human, he would undoubtedly have been snickering as he took the security recording of the entire night and created a video of it that he programmed to play on every single television and tablet in the Tower upon someone turning them on. He had no doubt that everyone would want to see this. And, after a short internal debate, he sent the video to Nick Fury at S.H.I.E.L.D. in an email entitled "Your Heroes."

When Tony found out, he would no doubt be wishing his A.I. wasn't quite so much like him.

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**Well, I hoped you liked it! Everyone should also go read Huntress Under Siege's stories, which include a bunch of Transformers: Prime fics and a few Avengers and Thor ones. She had an equal part in making this, and if you liked this, you should thank her by reading and reviewing her stuff. And you should also review this. :D**


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